Should I stay or should I go?

For several months, I could not access this site. It’s like my blog just disappeared from the face of the planet for no reason at all. and then Lo and behold, it makes its comeback. unfortunately, the events, the musings and the like that I wanted to blog about have also disappeared from my memory. No explanation or notice from i.ph and now my question is…..should I stay blogging in this site or go to another, more reliable one like blogspot.com. Nasty of me to be talking about that here, huh? Kind of like posting as a shout out on friendster that you are moving to facebook. hehehe…..if you still do not know about facebook, well you are missing out on the best social networking site. 

Well, I have been planning to clean up this blog anyways, devoid it of too-personal entries but I do realize that all that drama, and all those issues were part of my past. It will stay in the past and somehow helped shaped who and what has become of me - which is a neurotic, paranoid, deluded person. Hehehe. Actually not really. Every year is getting better and better somehow and hopefully I am too. 

so, will give this site another shot but put up a new one on blogspot. One that will have most of my esoteric thoughts and oprah inspired entries. And trust me, there are a lot of those. 

I missed a day! :(

I am thankful to:

1. My mahal for a wonderful evening and then taking me to work today. Such convenience for me and I did not have to spend for the cab fare.

2. Christi, my co-dj who boards the earlier time slot. Whenever I am late for our show, she does the news for me and though I know that must be getting to her, she never gets angry with me. Thank you and Promise that will be the last. I will schedule tapings so much earlier!  

3. for being patient with people.A client of mine is giving me a hard time collecting payment with an event I already did with them but instead of getting cross, or impatient, I calmly spoke to the girl and said that it was ok and I will just wait. No biggie!  I bet she was relieved.

4. the book "the secret". I know people out there think me sooooo weird and extremely corny for being all gaga over a book but it has really done wonders for me at work, in my relationships with people and just my everyday life. I guess it is also because I was open to its concepts and implementing it in my life. If you still haven't read it, what are you waiting for? seriously! 

5. simply for being in a state of happiness and contentment. Like if nothing should change in my life, it is all good.It is amazing enough as it is. If anything does change, I am extremely optimistic that it will just get better. I am attracting into my life, positive energy. Positive people, events, work, colleagues and the like. 

Attitiude of Gratitude Day 2

I am grateful that : 

1. I did not have a hard time going to work today. The roads were clear so I got to work early and stress-free

2. I lost my watch yesterday. This is a watch that I bought myself for my 18th birthday and was my first major purchase. It's lost its buttons, has sooooo many scratches on its face but has one heck of a sentimental value. I am grateful though because I am not messed up even after losing it. I wish I didn't but at least I am not sulking over it. another good thing about it is that it just fell off my wrist and was not snatched off.

3. I saw my 89-year-old grandmother yesterday.I have missed her. She is so weak and so frail and is fed through a tube, has been bedridden for years now but she is still alive acknowledges our presence with her eyes. I saw her yesterday! 

4. My kuya asked for my secret dvd again this morning. he grilled some fish and I ate off his plate. Just brother-sister bonding guaranteed to keep me smiling all day.

5. My dad hugged me tight before going into the airport check-in area. I no longer have qualms about hugging him and I just do. He hugs me back. I also got to spend time with my siblings yesterday. My little brother Vince, went," I want ate Angel to go back with us!"  

My new format

I am so thankful because:

1. It is no longer flooded along my street. I didnt have a hard time coming to work this morning.Yey!

2. It was easy to get a cab. One was right there the minute I got off the tricycle. Because of this, I was early for work.

3. I got to play with my cat a lot yesterday, last night and woke up with her beside me in bed this morning.

4. I got to hang out with my kuya last night. We had pizza and watched the dvd of "the secret" . He finally watched it and was actually taking down notes. 1 person down, thousands more to go.

5. I am going out for lunch with my dad and his family. I get to see my sister and baby brother vince. We are hanging out after lunch too! This is a great weekend.

               That is how I am going to start my blog from now on.What I am thankful for. Attitude of gratitude baby! I am going to blog everyday too or every time I am in front of the PC. My next blog is a rave about a book that I am currently, and forever will be, gaga over. More on that later on. If you are wondering what that is, grab a hold of it if you still haven't - The secret by Rhonda Byrne!

Words…..just a bunch of letters?

          I truly admire writers, especially good ones. Be it novel writers, writers for magazines, shows or whatever. I am currently reading mitch albom's latest, "For one more day", and I am amazed at how he is able to capture the emotions, the thoughts in his words, in the story. Depending on what it is you are going through and what you have experienced in life, you may or may not relate to what the author says. But I got hit hard in the phrases I came across in the book. He mentions in a page - going back to something is harder than you think. So true! I can so relate it sucks!Going back to school is probably where it hits me hardest. The lesson there, don't stop until you finish what you have already started.Do not give up! Yes! it gets hard and difficult sometimes but after that, imagine the exhiliration that you are done with it! It's along the lines of my motto, or at least one of many, that life is not a dress rehearsal, so do it right the first time! Even relationships. Don't think that you can mess up and then just make up for it when you do decide to go back. That is just not the way it works.And I am not even talking about relationships with a significant other. Relationships with your siblings, parents, cousins, friends and work mates. Damn! Just typing that is making me realize I need to make it up to some people. Have to make more time for family and not just work all the time. 

         "The Backside of a mountain is a fight against human nature. You have to care as much about yourself on the way down as you did on the way up!" 

              The author was actually citing the story of a mountain climber who said that it is different on the way up compared to what it is like on the way down. On your ascent, you've got a goal in mind,a motivation.You keep your eyes focused on your aim. On your way down…what now? 

              Sometimes you just have conversations with people and they end up saying things that stick in your mind forever. During my "tapping the creative universe" workshop with Jim paredes sometime back in June, he ended up saying things that helped me out big time more in life, than just in my quest to be a lot more creative. First one. such a simple phrase and one that I have heard too many times. "LIVE IN THE NOW!" If you worry and live in the past, you end up living those past experiences twice! instead of just experiencing the pain and the hurt once in your life. It prevents you from living life to the fullest in the now! if you are the kind, like myself sometimes,a nasty habit I am trying to nip in the bud, who keeps worrying about what might happen in the future, then you are living a life that might not even happen. If your worries do come to life, then once again, you ended up living it twice. Once in the present worrying about it, and in the future because it did happen. So what if it never happens? You were in distress for nothing. Living life cautiously. Treading on thin ice. What an existence! And keep in mind, what you think of the most is exactly what you will get! That is what you attract, remember! So instead of thinking about what you do not want, think instead of what it is you DO WANT! What do YOU want to attract? Life is great right now. It has been the last 29 years. I am living the best days of my life. I guess because my thinking has changed and I am CHOOSING to attract just that! The best days of my life! And it gets better every single day. 

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For Jim Paredes' workshop which is more than worth every penny, and whose teachings will help you in everything in life, please read this! Seriously, I was a student of the last one and it helped me in a lot of things. Am I more creative? Probably! But am I a better person, better equipped to handle what life throws my way? Absolutely! It is so worth it. No need to think about it. As the first rule in the workshop goes, Just show up! More on the things I learnt in this workshop later on. 

WHEN: August 6, 7, 8, 9, 11 and 13
WHAT TIME: 7 to 9 PM
WHERE: 31 M. Jocson St. Loyola Heights, QC
HOW MUCH: 5,000 PESOS

To reserve a slot in this life-altering workshop, or ask for a syllabus, call 0916=8554303 and ask for Ollie, or call 426-5375 or write me at emailjimp@gmail.com.

I am actually planning to join it again just to grasp more of the teachings I may have missed the first time! One of the my best expenses ever!  

Fight child Hunger!

          One of the happiest days of my life was hosting the Walk-the-world concert at the SM Mall of Asia last sunday, July 29. It is an event set up by TNT, the delivery service in cooperation with the United Nations world food programme to help fight child hunger. The concert was just a small way of thanking people who walked the world and also to raise awareness that such a problem does exist not only in places like Africa but even in our very own Philippines.We told people, bystanders and concert goers, how they can personally help out. I don't know who gets to read this blog but I am hoping that if you are reading this right now, you can help out in your own little way as well. How you may ask? 

1. Log on to www.fighthunger.org and click on the link that states "feed a child". Just by clicking on it, you already get the sponsors to donate 19c to feed a hungry child. That is all you did! Clicked on the link! Just direct your mouse and click and one child is fed. No money out on your part.

2. Help sponsor through donations. One way is to get a shirt of walk-the-world. Just 200 pesos. text 0918-9000-852 and send in your full name and landline number. They will call you up, ask your shirt size and deliver the shirt straight into your doorsteps. They are after all a delivery service (TNT)! You can get an oversized shirt to sleep with or get your size and use it on a daily basis. You are also helping out just by wearing it and becoming a walking billboard. Help out as much as you can. If it isn't you, maybe you can tell someone about it!  

          What saddens me about the whole thing though is that there were artists who participated in the event and still insisted on getting paid for it. I am sure they have their reason for it, and its probably a good one but it was sad hearing from the organizers that they could not get many because they insisted on a high budget! For a charity event?!! What is up with that? There was even one local "rock" band that encountered technical difficulties and ended up storming out after their 2nd song! Not a "hi" or a 'thank you" or "help their cause and fight child hunger". Nothing like that, and to think they were getting paid anyways. When I summoned them up on stage, thinking that they were ready, like the director motioned to me, it took them another 5 minutes or so to do a sound check and the vocalist, a little bit more before coming up. Do I hear, DIVA!!!! The thing that really ticks me off is that it was not like their music was ruined by the sound system. Their music is not even that great for goodness' sake! Oh well….times like that, dapat, "steddy" lang sila! Maybe they were just having a really bad day. 

Sorry for the inconvenience!

          That is what I kept getting from max's delivery's operator and everytime I heard it, the more pissed I got. Why? two things - that is a standard line they were taught to say during times of trouble so I kind of know they do not really mean it and secondly, my food was already an hour and a half late and they break it to me that my order was not placed, and was I willing to wait?!!! And all they could say was, "sorry for the inconvenience!!!"

          I haven't been that angry in a long time.And now that I've settled down and I've been fed, I feel bad for cussing and getting sooooo pissed with the operator. But at that time, it felt like it was appropriate.

         Max's delivery line is 7-9000. I loved them.Take note! Past tense! I loved ordering breakfast from them because they had really good champorado and I do love their friend chicken. But after today, I will think twice about ordering there again. 

         Placed my order at 1120am. An hour after, realizing that they are already late since they do deliver within 30 to 45 minutes, I called and followed up on my order. After putting me on hold for quite sometime, the operator mentions that there has been a system error and was I still willing to wait for my order? In non-fancy words, my order has not been placed. And If they were to place it, it would take another 30 to 45 minutes before it would be delivered. 

         I was fuming mad!!! Every single sentence that came out of my mouth henceforth had the word "fuck" or "bloody" in it. I was sooooo pissed. and everytime they said the lines, "sorry for the inconvenience" I became a whole lot more irate! It is annoying to hear that. And they weren't even planning to send anything extra, or do/give some form of consolation for the "inconvenience". They just kept emphasizing that they already coordinated with the branch and that my order was going to be sent in less than 30 minutes! Was I supposed to jump up and down now that I've been prioritized?! They transferred my call to a supervisor and that is exactly what she said too, "sorry for the inconvenience!" AAAAAArrrrgggghhhhh!!!! 

          What makes me sad about being in the Philippines is that I know this incident will happen again, to someone else. You complain, file a complaint, go out of your way and nothing really happens anyway. Where does your complaint go? Our customer service out here sucks big time. And I am a regular customer. Never mind that! I am a customer, plain and simple. System error my ass! If I never called to follow up on my order, they never would have realized that my order has not even been placed. But will anything happen? will some bigwig at max's call up disappointed regular customers to apologize and offer anything? I guessed not! 

Seeing the world in a whole new light!

          Literally! I once was blind but now I see! I just got my glasses yesterday and it is only now I found out just how blind I was and didn't even know it. I was a dork last night. The better, more appropriate term for it would have to be in tagalog, and that is "mukha akong tanga!" I just kept looking at everything that I look at everyday. The billboards- I can actually read what is on it. The San juan skyline - I can actually see and read the signages of music museum, zirkoh and the other establishments in Greenhills. On my way home, I could see the cars on the roads.I could see the road! Everything was just so much clearer. I wish I had just gone to the optician a whole lot sooner and I would not have had to contend with migraines every single day! If you've got 20/20 vision right now, take care of it. Beats having to wear spectacles anyday! I will post a photo of me with my nerdy look soon. But hey, I am a true blue nerd to the core!

Dreams

Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.  ~X-Files

Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.  ~Edgar Cayce

Do you ever wake up in the mornings and wonder what your dreams meant? Do you even remember your dreams?  I often thought about my dreams but lately, I would just lie in bed for awhile and try and remember details about it. I try to write it down because I know that one of these days, I will be able to find out its significance. I found a website that sort of translates your dreams into supposed reality. What I did learn from a book that someone is reading is that you can't just translate dreams in the context of the things or objects you dream of. you have to translate it as a whole, with the whole scenario playing in your head. Sometimes the objects, person or animals you dream of, are actually YOU! I dreamt yesterday of a lot of dogs, and puppies, and I had to feed them, and one particular puppy badly needed water. What could that mean? I already have an idea and will work on that. That was just 1 scene. On the same night, I also dreamt of mangoes and that they fell off from my truck. Had to walk back to grab all of them again, and came across mangoes that were perfect on the outside, but hollow on the inside. Others were perfectly half-ripe and half rotten. What could that be about? Im speculating that it could be about opportunities out there. some may pose to be great but will leave me hollow on the inside. Others would be rewarding on one end, and yet leave me deprived on the other. 

As of recent, my dreams, though not recurring, always refer to the same thing. Untapped talents, skills I have forgotten or haven't been harnessing or opportunities I have not grabbed. And I know that! I am conscious of it all. Why? Fear! fear of the unknown. As Jim Paredes sent in an email to me yesterday,"what would you do if you weren't afraid?" Damn! Endless list! What have I got to lose anyway? Everything is already great, nay, amazing, as it is. Things will only get better from here on. I can not imagine what that could be like because I am already currently loving and am extremely grateful for the state I am in. Not to say that I am going to sit in my laurels and just relax! Nah! But to become even more aggressive……If only I wasn't afraid.

Live in the now! I had a long talk with Jim on this one, the last day of our workshop. LIVE IN THE NOW!!! There is no point in reliving the past, or living in the past because you end up living it twice. There is even no point in allowing the pains of the past to rule your life now. You also can not worry about the future! It's not even here yet! And your worries may never happen. You keep thinking about it, and it just might. Why? Because you attract with your thoughts. What you think of the most, is exactly what you will attract. What you will get. Keep thinking about what you don't want and that is what you will end up with. Why not think about, WHAT YOU WANT INSTEAD?! 

Hiatus

         We all need to take a break once in awhile and then come back with a vengeance. That is what I intend to do now with this blog of mine that I have neglected for months now. What prompted me to start again? A lot of things! One being that I have sometime in my hands right now and I also badly want to talk about a very special man in my life - My brother, my kuya James. 

         He was here on vacation for about a month and a half and he left this morning. Went back to the US/Canada. The reason for the duality in that one is because He was based in Canada but his fiancee is based in the US so more often than not, he will be in the US. Anyway he left this morning. That just makes me feel a little down. I wouldn't say it makes me sad because I know he is much happier there with the wonderful Jo taking care of him but I will miss him immensely.

          How times have changed. This is the brother I kind of disliked in my younger years. This is the same brother I used to hide my relationship from when I was still in College. This is the same guy I would have fights with over my boyfriend then. I feared him simply because he was older, authoritative and he just scolded me a lot. Not out of context though. I deserved it. He took his role as the big brother/ father very seriously especially to his youngest, only sister - at least at that time. But now, I do not fear him. I respect him and love him even more than I thought I would. I have forgiven him for that time he made me go hide when we were playing "hide and seek" only to discover after about 2 hours, that they never bothered to look for me in the first place.Bad Kuya! And all those times we would play chess and game of the generals……I treasure those now. 

          I hugged him this morning I hugged him tight. Hugging and kissing is not something my family is used to. We were just never brought up that way. But I couldn't care less. With outstretched arms he summoned for me and I just hugged him tight, fighting back the tears because I knew I wouldn't get to see him for years. 

           This vacation of his was different. We were different. Definitely older, more mature. It was so easy to talk to him. Uncensored, unfiltered, our conversations were like that. I was no longer holding any information back. I actually sought relationship advice from my brother and he acted like a sage with such great insights into the intricacies and complexities (nay…..absurdities) of a man's brain! Thank you kuya!

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            July 10, 2007. The day I turned 29. The best birthday of my life. Count out those that I celebrated when I was 1, 5 and 7 because I do not remember anything from that. But this year was simply the best because I got to celebrate it. I usually don't! I celebrated it with my two kuyas and My boyfriend. The men I love! And if that was not perfect enough, the number of greetings I got from listeners, friends, acquaintances and everyone else was just overwhelming! Thank you Thank you. My radio one buddies did something really really sweet and touching too. Enzo, mark, ella, bea and L.A all came by and surprised Rico and myself with our birthday cakes.Note: Rico, my radio partner's birthday was on July 12. Why was it the best birthday ever? My kuya was home from canada, and so was my boyfriend. A first in years. Celebrated my day from the time 12 midnight knocked in until the very next day. Haaaaayyyyyyyyyy…………..still have such fond memories of it  

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           If you are not on it yet, sign up for facebook…… Just like friendster, and multiply and my space but a whole lot better. Sign up and search for me - gelli victor and you can view my albums of photos in there.  

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          I just found out that I inherited quite a lot of my traits from my dad, more than from my mum. Here i am thinking that I am a walking mini-me of my mum but apparently I am not. I am really a combination of both but those that make me so distinct, are actually from my dad. Like what? I love corn! It's an exaggerated love! I can eat corn every single day. If something has corn on it, I am bound to get it. I go to Galleria for the simple reason that I get corn in a cup with butter and cheese because the craving kicked in. Just found out last night that I got that from my dad. I cooked Beef Nilaga last night for dinner for my kuyas, boyfriend, dad and tita and put corn in there. He wanted the corn And my dramas…… my ka-artehan….those are apparently from my dad too  

          How nice when you are given the opportunity to get to know your parents better.
 

A survey

1.What is a question that people ask you that always gets on your nerves?

- none really.

2. name something you have in common with all your siblings

- supposedly a fold on the side of our eyes, and our love for fruits. 

3. what is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?

-hmmmm, a difficult question since I have a pretty high threshold for pain. None that I did not enjoy.hehehehe

4. what number of drinks constitutes your limit?

-I wouldn't know. I hardly drink and I've never been drunk. I just recently started drinking wine

5. do you fold your clothes?

-absolutely! Categorized to casual, formal, for events, for working out, for teaching class or for home use.But haven't had the time lately so my closet is a crazy mess!

6. who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?

-a special someone. I like writing and sending via snail mail. There is just something so special about it.Nobody seems to write no more

7. have you fired a gun before?

- many times. Been target shooting ever since I was a kid. Something I don't get to do now because of the friggin gun ban  

8. name someone you consider a genius

- hmmmm….i will get back to you on that one.

9. what was your favorite childhood toy?

- I never had one. Wasn't really one that played a lot when I was a kid. I don't even know much nursery rhymes or kiddie shows or games.

10. name a sound that disturbs you.
- aaarrrggghhhh! The mere thought brings the sounds to mind. Screeching nails, or bottle caps on concrete floors, or utensils on ceramic plates!!!! Cringing at the very thought! 

11. name something random that you would never do.

- Hmmm…. there are things I said I will never do but ended up doing so I really don't want to say "never". You never know what is in store in the future. but wait! Ok! Ok! NEVER EVER going to have sex with animals, children or dead people! At least I am sure of that one!  

12. name a person who's diary you would love to read.

- Oprah

13. have you ever had the same dream more than once?

- yes. many dreams.

14. name a song that makes you happy.

- music we play during the monsters riot. It brings back lots and lots of very good memories! 

15. name something that made you laugh this week.

- a lot! It is good to find joy in the simplest, most mundane things.

18. if you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you?

- uhmmm……. NO!

19. if you were famous, what would you be famous for?

- Hosting a really good, inspiring show, for being an amazing back-up dancer and choreographer or for doing something good for people. Operative words - "if you were"…….we could always dream! 

20. name something you like about your mother?

- her work ethics. one of the most hardworking people I know.

21. name something you like about your father?

- funny as hell! Talkative and entertaining.

22. what is on your refrigerator door?

- refrigerator magnets of countries and places I have visited, bills to pay and pics mostly of my cat!

23. name the closest thing to you that is green.

- that is easy! my mind! it's the worst!

24. if someone who didnt know you had to guess your name, what would they guess?

- Bianca. I apparently look like a "bianca". And I love that name.

25. name something you have to do tomorrow.

- teach a class that I will be handling for a while. Fitness first fort bonifacio, 8am  

26. name a movie you are looking forward to watching.

- fantastic four, the rise of the silver surfer! June 13 baby!!!!!!!! and that is our monster movie premiere too! Yipee!!!

27. have you ever called 911?

- nope! Thank God I haven't encountered an emergency to make me!

28. name something you've heard about women that tends to be true?

- they supposedly love to shop for bags and shoes….basically shopping. can't really relate though!

29. Any addictions?

- yes to this amazing show - HEROES!!! love it love it. I have never been this gaga over any show. I can not wait to get a hold of the latest episodes….chapter 22 and 23 please!!! 

30. If you could date anyone of the same sex, who would it be?

-I already have my list of top 5! 1)Jessica Alba 2)Angelina Jolie 3)Eva Longoria 4) Kate Beckinsale 5)and my recent brush with her again, so back in the crush list - Ali Larter of heroes!!!

Goals

           Have you ever wanted something sooooo bad that You know you are willing to do what it takes, absolutely everything it takes to get it, achieve it? I do! Right now aside from the goals I have where my career, physique, fitness and personality are concerned, I have one more! And I have never wanted anything as bad! But just like other worthy undertakings, this will prove to be the most difficult to achieve. But never underestimate the power of hard work, right? And good things always come with a price. This is well worth it! 

          So I just found out that We do not get off work until Good friday! I was kind of looking forward to the 3-day break from work and now it has been cut to just 2, because I have to be back on sunday for HIP 26. With just 2 days off, I probably won't end up going anywhere. Oh well…..better than nothing at all. I will just have to apply for a leave I guess, sometime in April or May and have one good break in Boracay! It's been sooooo long since I was last there  

Yet another sleepless night!

      I never slept last night! Not even for a minute, not a second and I am surprised I am as energetic as I am and migraine-less! Though I am not faking it, I am putting in the extra effort just so my work wont be affected. How many more nights of this I wonder? I can not afford to not sleep again tonight because I have an early day tomorrow and a jampacked day! And I definitely do not want to take another pill.

      I have brought this upon myself. Things will have to change. Dr.Phil mentioned in either his book, his show or on Oprah that if something is not working, change it to one that does! So a lot of changes! That's what is needed.I thought about this as I was journalling in my phone last night, a feature in my treo I have never taken advantage of.

       I was chatting with an old friend earlier, while on board at the station. He was in the Philippines for 6 days but I did not get to see him. He had some very kind and flattering words spoken of as a result of my pics on friendster. He said I did not give myself as much credit. That I am my worst critic. And one more thing that hit me - where is the Gelli so full of life and vibrant? Good question. 

       This too shall pass….

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        I had to take my baby to the vet today.We were both sitting by the stairs, staring blankly at the horizon and the next thing I know, her right eye was bleeding. Talk about panic! I have never gotten dressed soooo fast. She is fine now. I am going to pick her up right after board work. I can not wait to have her in my arms again. Going home knowing that she was left behind at the vet was the saddest moment for me. Not today, of all days….Just not today. Come to think of it, never when it comes to my baby. 

Music and one-way streets

         I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today! I slept for many hours, having taken another sleeping pill (though I try my best not to be dependent on that) and even after more than 8 hours of sleep, I was still melancholic. Got up right away with every intention to head out to the gym and get my mood on an up swing. Got dressed, packed up my gym backpack only to stay at home coz I wanted to eat mango and wait for taho It never came but at least I had my fruit.Only had crackers last night and again this morning. Why? did not feel like eating. Just not in the mood for a lot of things. I vowed to work on my mood so from the time I woke up, I was listening to bodyjam tracks to get into my dancing self. You know what they say, when you don't feel too good, you feel lousy and very unattractive, that is the perfect time to get all dolled up, primmed with your best ensemble and make a major effort to look good! That is exactly what I did. My current favourite gear are my dri-fit dance camouflage pants, black tank top and (I love these shoes) my white air max isletas (log on to www.nikewomen.com.ph) Why are these my favourite? Very comfy, looks hot and the best part, all for free! Thank you and much love to Tony Atayde of Nike Philippines for these! 

        I was early for work. Made sure that I wouldn't be late because I did not want that to add to my stress. Been listening and practicing choreography for class later and that has already elevated my mood. Start board work and that was the roll. Back to back great songs - brandy and heavy D's "rock with you", next "too close", then Crystal Waters "Say If you feel alright",  colour me badd "I wanna sex you up"……I am in a definite upswing! Thank God for music. My partner rico is a saviour today. He is making me smile and enjoy my day at work. Now I don't feel so lonely and confused anymore. I will get answers to the questions in my head. The answers will come out without my having to ask. sometimes asking so you understand better gets you into trouble. I should have known better.

         They say the problem you have with people is usually a manifestation of a problem you have within yourself. A dilemma you ought to address about yourself, to yourself. More work for this lady in construction then! 

        Have you ever felt like you just want to leave? Leave everything behind and go to a place where no one knows you? Where you can re-invent yourself and create the person you have always wanted to be? Just up and leave! When you get to the dead-end of a one-way street, there is no where else to go but up…..up and leave. 

Whose quirk is it anyway?

         My mum and I have had several misunderstandings in my 28 years of life. I remember adequately that I have gotten into her nerves as she has in mine because she told a complete stranger all about our life.Just a person she was sitting next to in the bus! Heck she has told her physician, visitors in the clinic, just about everyone. All the family problems and as we label it in local jargon, "baho ng pamilya". I could not understand it! We got into such a severe argument. Now I do because I do exactly the same thing, just with high technology, on the guise of "blogging".And worse I have no idea who goes through this, from what country. I have no sense of privacy or the violation of it. I needed to be told so Thank you to the person who did! you know who you are. 

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Akon's Dont matter, John legend's PDA we just dont care, Omarion's Icebox, Ne-yo's Because of you, Rihanna and sean Paul's Break it off…….. just some of my current favourites.

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Congratulations to Darling Jen Cortes for her beautiful baby girl - Maya Soleil! Beautiful name! Well done honey. So proud of you!  

Responsibly blogging material girl!

           As I type this, Sassy girl real name Joanna is sitting right next to me at the station.She came by for a visit and had a pressie for me - Mauna Loa chocolates. Thank you Thank you! More than anything else though I am just glad she visited coz I haven't seen her in a long time. Thank you for the visit sas! 

          Responsible blogging….what is that? What is it you can and can not write about? I have committed many mistakes where blogging is concerned but then I have committed a whole lot more where life is concerned. Like I said, I am a work in progress. I have gone back to journal writing. I used to do that a lot when I was younger. I decided to go back into it so I can write about just everything, be as bitchy as I want to be, say who is concerned and not worry that things will worsen, or that situations will be in disarray again.Started 2 weeks ago and though my journal is composed of little bits of paper for now, once I have found a good journal book, then I will re-write what I have already composed. I am sorry for pissing YOU off with my blogs. 

        So like a responsible blogger (if there is indeed rules to follow in blogging), I will only blog about general stuff or things about just me and my self-criticisms, self-effacing thoughts. I will still blog about the Philippines, Makati, the senseless stuff people in government do. I will still blog about slow fast food chains (like Jollibee emerald!!! ssssllllllooooooowwwww I tell you!) I want to write about new food places I have discovered, great movies I watched or my current favourite songs. Why would I want to do that? Because I want to remember. Blogs are a person's history. Years from now, I'd want to go through this and recall the feelings and feel stupid that I made such a big deal of it. But then I often feel stupid. hehehehe…

         Spent all of last night getting my palm treo 600 repaired. Old unit, I've had it for more than a year, since october 2005, but I don't have it in me to replace it with the newer version. What happened? The LCD screen was smashed so everytime someone texted, I could only read the right half of their message. It was as good as useless. Could not get in touch with many people because their names and numbers wouldn't show. My apologies to batchmates Rica and Anami. I could not figure out your numbers and couldn't read your message and didn't know where the bridal shower was going to be held. 

         Have you ever been attached to a material thing? If you feel bad about losing or getting depressed about a ruined object, would you be classified as a material girl right away? If the answer to that is a yes, then I am a material girl. I was devastated with what happened to my phone. Shallow I know. Big time! It is just a bloody phone. But that was a big investment for a cheap skate like me! And my life is in that phone. All my contacts for work, information about my events, clients but most importantly, messages! It is in that phone that I saved messages from my dad that I have never heard him tell me…like him addressing me as "anak" or him telling me that he loves me. It is in that phone that I saved messages when I was just starting out with Gary. Memories I treasure dearly.

          It is fixed! Thank God. The hassle though! All my plans for the evening eaten up.Planned on taking back to back classes at the gym and didn't get to do any of that. Had to go all the way to North Edsa and wait several hours to get it done. Commuting back was the sucker coz the mrt was done for the night. The bus ride back to makati was what got to me. Off to the spa for some rest and relaxation, a long overdue and must have, and then home. I was searching for an old bodyjam video and came across a cd that I haven't watched in ages. Popped it in and got teary-eyed. It was the amateur video my friend Gem, made for me on my birthday in 2005. Still the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me….still the best surprise ever, one that I still wonder if I truly deserved.For that, Thank you darling Gem. 

          I vow to be a responsible blogger henceforth. Should I falter, forgive me! I am just human with poor discernment of what gets advertised and what is just me seeking an outlet for my frustrations. I am a work in progress….. and I need a lot of work. 

Customer service ?

          Or the lack thereof? You have to admit our supposed customer service in our Beloved Philippines sucks! One of the worst ones I have encountered has got to be this airline, the name of which I'd rather not disclose because they happen to be sponsors of RX but my goodness! Before I actually get to to talk to the operator, they have probably played their in house plugs three times over and over. And they have 3 existing in house plugs! so that would make it 9 plugs plus music! 

         Another really bad one would be PLDT! For a company that is supposedly trying to get more customers now since they have lost a lot to the mobile industry, they take their llllllooooooooooooong, slow sweet time! A new application takes three bloody months before it is approved, another 2 weeks for the damned line to be connected and several more days for the internet connection! What is up with that? And the line that always gets me, uttered in the most rehearsed, scripted manner - "Ma'am I am really sorry for the inconvenience!" But you can sense from the tone in their voice that it is unmeant and very insincere. They just want to get the call over and done with. Especially if they have got a nasty, annoying, pestering bitch (read: me!)on the other line.

         When you call deliver services for fast food chains, instead of just asking , "may I take your order please?" They greet you and say how can I help you? I guess there is nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong at all but then you end up having to say that you would like to order! Duh?! Yes sure enough you may have other reasons for calling such as to follow up on your order, or inquire about something in the menu or what have you but more often than not, it is to ask for food to be delivered. Or maybe I am just being a bitch coz it is eating so much of my credits since I am using my mobile. I just want to get the call over and done with. Giving credit to some companies though, I like it that they ask for your phone number right away because they have already stored your info. Sometimes, Even directions to your place, landmarks are saved as well. That is good! 

         Just being a bitch! That is all….Oh and I was told by someone that I should blog about my being a hypocrite. Saying that I love life but I really just want to die. That I should blog about how I don't take care of myself, and how I don't sleep and I don't get to eat on time and when I do, I eat very little. I sleep late and wake up early and all I do is work work and work, or teach teach and teach! Just because I have had this really bad cough that I've had for more than 2 months now I am working on taking better care of myself! I do try to sleep as much as I can and when I do have the time to eat, I pig out! Yes I work a lot and teach on an empty stomach, not having slept and nursing an asthma attack but that is what I describe living life - pursuing my passions. Doing what I am passionate about. I don't really want to die! But I am not afraid of it either coz I know I have lived a wonderful life and I've lived it to the fullest. So, no! I am not a hypocrite! I do love life and I appreciate it everyday! Sadly, once again, I am being told what is so wrong with me.   

Bite your tongue!

       "KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU STAND FOR, WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN AND WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT! SO NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU TO YOU, ESPECIALLY THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST, YOU WILL BE UNFAZED, UNSCATHED, UNHURT! " 

        I remember hearing something like that at an Oprah episode a long time ago and never has it had as much impact on me until now. The last few months have been trying times for me in terms of my relationships with people - One of my best friends, my family, my partners, both in life and on radio. There are times that I wish I was indeed a man living in an island without the need to establish relationships with people. What is so wrong about that? Well, there is nobody there with you to tell you what is wrong with you! Nobody to tell you, actually more like scream to you, albeit through text or in person, just what is sooooooo terrible about you and what it is you need to change pronto lest you want to lose the people around you. 

        How do you tell someone to change? Weren't we told that we shouldn't expect people to change and change has to come from them? They have to want it for themselves because that is the only way it would be effective, and last. And people falter, regress, and then stand up again, to try one more time. Nobody should be condemned for falling, failing.Friendships don't have to end! And with friends, you don't say things you know will hurt them forever just because you are angry. The same thing goes in Love.Bite your tongue! Words said in anger, those that sting, will leave a mark forever. Why would you want to hurt the one you love like that? But then the ones we do love are the ones that do have the power to hurt us the most. We all already know that.

         I don't like myself very much right now. Come to think of it, I haven't really liked myself ever since I was a kid and what I am currently working on, been working on for years, is loving myself enough. It doesn't help to have people around me telling me what is so terrible about me. I feel like a nasty human being right now.I must be if the people who know me best are the ones that say that. 

        Funny, most of my childhood I was told by family that I was too sensitive. I had to develop a thicker skin. I was too sensitive coz the typical "pang-aasar" or family/friendly asaran would get to me. I wasn't used to that. We didn't have that in Nigeria.I did not have early exposure to teasing. So I really had to work on that! Had to learn to retaliate. Had to learn to take the teasing, pang-aasars esp from family. I adequately remember that my uncle told me that if I let it get to me, or did not have a good comeback, I lose. We harness that same trait on radio because it can be funny. Not all the time but if you don't have your own quips on radio, you are not considered witty. So you tease, mang-aasar ka, thinking it's all harmless fun, and you have no intention whatsoever to insult anyone, but unfortunately, you do! And sometimes it is too late when you find out! Damage has been done by the time it is brought to your attention. The one thing I had to learn and master to survive growing up with my pang-asar family, going to a school that I went to and being in the industry that I am in, that one thing is the exact one that bites me back in the ass.If I ever insulted anyone, or made anyone feel small with my pang-aasar, I AM SORRY and sincerely apologize for it. If there is one thing I hate, is anyone making any body else feel small.

         I feel so misunderstood right now. One more person imply, insinuate that the only thing a man needs to be loved by me is a great set of abs and I will punch him in the nuts! Just a few minutes ago, my partner said something on air and I ended up crying when the mics were off coz I am just so enraged! I am not that FUCKING shallow! God damn it! Yes I appreciate a good body. Yes I will praise the person for it but that is because I appreciate the dedication and discipline they put in to achieving that physique. Yes I may exaggerate and make the person feel like a god, but heck he/she deserves it. They worked hard! Am I all about the body? No! More than anything else I am after people who work out for fitness as a lifestyle. I always tell people who seek advice, that you have to do it as your lifestyle more than just to fit into a wedding dress or lure some guy! I hate it, detest it, when people think that I am easily impressionable. A good body that is all you need? And it hurts the most when the ones I love the most think that. If I was indeed like that, I'd be having one night stands left and right, anytime I want it. Man, guys with great bodies are just a text away. Do I even bother texting them back? Do I even think about them even for a second? Do I fantasize over them? FUCK NO! And I can say that with conviction. Do not tell me that I am lying or you know me well because I know my own thoughts! So what if I blogged about a hot guy in a movie. More than his body, I loved his dancing. Do I think about that movie and remember how hot the guy is? no! I remember the dancing. But I can not change what people think. I can only deal with what I think and how I deal with people and react to what they say. I am so misconstrued but I guess I asked for it! I brought all this upon myself. 

         I hate myself right now. I am not miss perfect. I have never thought that! I brand myself a work-in-progress. I am not miss-know-it-all. I know nothing and that is why I am constantly learning and open to being taught. Am I miss opinionated? Sometimes I can be. I dish out unsolicited advice yes! I am guilty of that and doing my darnest best to nip that nasty habit in the bud. I am a walking time bomb right now and ready to burst any minute. I have had several outbursts all through out our radio show! I've had several enraged crying sessions the last 4 hours and I am just sick and tired of it all. 

        "I AM SORRY!" Three little words that are the hardest to utter, especially when said so sincerely and meant to the core! The most painful thing anyone can do is reject that! No one takes rejections well. For a person to be at their lowest, begging for forgiveness, and you reject that? Especially from loved ones. If you are loved, remember that you have the power to love back, love well in return or hurt! And like they said in spiderman, with great power, comes a great responsibility! 

         Now let me go back to hating myself and putting myself down. I'd rather do it to myself than have other people do it to me. At least I can not hurt myself with my words. 

Where art thou Hot Choco?

         I am a sucker for really good food particularly filling, rich soups, amazing desserts and the best hot chocolate! At home, I always stock up on Antonio Puego chocolate tablets so I can whip up some hot chocolate everytime I feel like it, or everytime my boyfriend comes by for breakfast. Hershey's, Swiss miss, Coffee bean and tea leaf, starbucks….all of those ain't got nothing on authentic spanish hot chocolate! I have another secret discovery for a good place to get really really good, nay, to-die-for hot chocolate! Chowking! Yes! Our good old chinese fast food chain has one of the best hot chocolates in town. Jollibee McDonald's …. no comparison to  Chowking's hot chocolate! It is thick and very rich, with just the appropriate amount of sweetness and bitterness, that one does expect with authentic spanish hot choco! 

         So I introduced Gary to their hot choco last tuesday. After my BodyJam class in Greenhills last week, walked over to Chowking and got us breakfast and walked back to the condo. As expected, he fell in love with it and has been making lambing for days now for some hot chocolate! So this morning, I went to get us some! 2 cups of hot chocolate each, that was the plan. Walking to chowking, I was already imagining, tasting the hot choco! Salivating over the thought of that thick, rich fluid wetting my tongue, coating my throat and giving in to my insatiable thirst. "Ma'am sorry but we already took the hot chocolate off our menu last week! Since March 1, all chowking branches will no longer carry hot choco!" 

         I could kill someone at that very moment! The people behind me in line were very understanding and allowed me to rant on and on complaining and explaining to the order taker! They were actually very sympathetic which I found very amusing. They figured I must really love the hot choco since I opted to walk to the store when I could have had it delivered! If you still don't know, Chowking does not deliver hot drinks the same way Wendy's does not deliver Iced tea! Oh! They've got really good Iced Tea too. Anyway, my day today did not turn out as well as I hoped coz I didn't get my hot choco Went home with the longest face and broke the news to Gary as well. What did I do after that? Complained through the Chowking hotline. They asked for comments, they got one. Damn! I do hope they bring it back!  

            If you know of any place that serves really good hot chocolate, and for cheap, do let me know.Just post a message here. I will appreciate it a lot! I am talking about the old school, thick, rich, slightly bitter but perfectly sweet spanish Hot chocolate! 

Elections!

        Just another quickie because I have to prepare my news and I also have to write the other portions for my radio show all access, but notice how there are a lot of road constructions on weekends? Even those stretches that seemed fine, meaning not laden with potholes, are suddenly deemed candidates for re-constructions. Case in point, in our village in Makati, there is one particular stretch that was destroyed, laid out and still unfinished! They started last month and it is still unpassable! I am all for the improvement of our roads, yes, never mind that they cause horrific traffic jams, but maybe the government would like to address the issue of drainage and flooding as well, alongside the re-construction. Two birds with one stone?! The thing is they aren't really repairing anything. Everyone already knows that they just want to use up the budget that has been alloted to their local government, just in case they aren't lucky enough for a second term! Or maybe they need the dough for their candidacy! So they will claim, say a P3Million budget for the re-construction but only use up a million or maybe even less. But then I don't know this for sure! Just an observation and everyone I have spoken to about this have expressed the same sentiments. All happening right before the May '07 elections! When are we ever going to have politicians who aren't into politics and truly have a sincere love for fellow countrymen and LOVE for the Philippines, more than for themselves. But then I would love to come across a Filipino who thinks highly of himself, and does not place himself below all the other nationalities! Love for our own country! Seriously, we need that! And sometimes I wouldn't mind killing the movie industry of the Philippines. Why? Just so we would stop producing actors, actresses, singers who eventually run for Politics. Just as a beauty queens path leads them to show business, in our country, show business is your road to politics. sigh! 

            On a much lighter note, Do grab a hold of the February Issue of MANUAL Magazine. A fun interview in there and the part I love the most, they did include that I am very much taken and loving it that I am by a man that I simply adore! click the manual link! Surprisingly, I was not rejected for my ad, and it is officially out. See it on the March issue of YES! magazine! I am officially endorsing Nesvita pro-weight management milk The website for that is under construction but you can check it out later on : www.adultwellness.com.ph